He doesn't Hit and Miss

I have come to appreciate the fact that God is not random, even when I am. He is methodical and purposeful and meticulous. It can be seen in creation, in nature and in the eventual revelation of unfolding events. And the fact that He is Sovereign and way beyond our intellect, imagination and understanding makes it possible for our messes to actually appear organized later on. Is that what is meant by Grace? Whatever it is, I am puzzled by it. Human beings have a tendency to want to control situations. We believe in the physics of cause and effect. So when a cause does not offset an intended or expected effect, we are thrown off. And when that happens, we are confused at what our reaction should be...should we be mad or grateful? I will not lie, God has thrown me off a couple of times. He has delayed events that I thought I was entitled to at a particular time; seemed to take away that which I thought was rightfully mine to have...till time proved otherwise. He has also seemed to reward me for bad behaviour, so to speak. I don't think it is because he was particularly thrilled by my 'putrid' acts and irrational decisions, but maybe because He saw the best way for me to listen and learn was not to lash out at me but to take me out for icecream and a walk in the park. Perhaps this environment would lessen my defenses and actually open my ears and eyes to wisdom and sense and understanding. It worked. The way He works is unforgetable. Inspirations that He causes run deep, and last long. They cause a genuine delight; like that of a happy conversation with a really good friend. His inspirations are simple but profound; pure. They either are or are not, nothing in between. Not random. 

Synonyms of random: Chance. Haphazard. Accidental. Casual. Unsystematic... Of all the synonyms, this last one really gets me. Hit and miss. 

There is actually a point to this whole jungle of sporadic thoughts, and it is this. When life seems aimless and random (hit and miss), it is following a precisely aligned series of dots which when all joined together by a linear line create a beautiful pattern that is meaningful and profound. Be patient. With yourself. With your circumstances. However, patience should in no way be confused for complacency; neither should complacency be confused for contentment. Try not to understand things or events too much lest you lose the beauty in them; or brought about by them. By saying this, I by no means, discourage the possession or development of a curious eye to the world. It is good to ask why. Just make it heavier on objectivity and lighter on subjectivity, and the answer will have more clarity.

Give yourself a chance. Give life a chance...and another one...and another one. Make God your chance. He doesn't hit and miss. And I do not intend for that to sound dangerous in any way.

Half past 5...

...And he is late. Again. I wonder why I wait every single time. Maybe it's because I always look forward to hearing the excuse he makes up each time; a creative mind he has. Am a sucker for brilliant minds. Invigorating conversation is like food to me, only better. Ever bungee jumped? The thrill that you feel when you let your body free fall...the millions of butterflies in your stomach that are birthed from emotions of fear and excitement all in one... And then when you reach the rope's end and it pulls you back up at a speed quicker than the blinking of an eye... When you finally get out of there your whole body is shaking...you feel like laughing and crying at the same time... Invigorating conversation sort of does this to me. The opposite, kills me. Literally. The full slashing of the wrist. That was how we got to know each other. They say that I come across as aloof. Unapproachable. Intimidating. Maybe its my height. Am not tall; quite on the contrary. I am 5'2. The reason I attribute their description to my height is... perhaps they underestimate me, then I shock them with a strong personality that does not match my height. That throws them off, and gives me full room to tactfully maneuvre my 'personality' in the space created by their confusion. It is not wise to underestimate anybody. Hmmm... I speak to myself as well. I might have underestimated this one. He has come to have so much power over me. I try to hide it; I hope I have been successful. Usually, I would know; only thing is that he is not easy to read. Or perhaps its the smoke screen created by my feelings. I feel  for him. Trut, this is exactly where I did not want to end up.
He's here. Finally. Its about time for goodness sake. He is having a tete a tete with the restaurant manager. Mm mm mm...the way he carries himself, the way he walks into a room...with confidence and poise...the way he fills it up with his presence...its like the smell of really really...really good cologne. Excites me every damn time. Ok, he's walking toward me now. Why the heck am I smiling, I'm supposed to me mad, he is late darn it! Look at that smile... Ok,gotta go.