Sporadic Musings: Dear Whitney

I came back home all giddy after a fun night out filled with dancing and singing. I kicked off my heels and switched on the television, and your beautiful face was all over it. In a moment of confusion, I wondered why your face was all over news. Grammys? It was only when I proceeded to read the words scrolling beneath the screen that I realized what had happened. ‘Whitney dead at age 48.’ No way… When I listened some more, I found out that you were found dead in your hotel room. You were meant to be getting ready for the pre-party for the Grammy awards hosted by Clive Davis. Apparently your aunt lay out a dress for you to wear and left the room; you were in the bath tab. By the time she came back, you were gone… My mind reeled with questions… was it intentional or did you just black out? Were you tired of life or did you feel that life got tired of you?

I always dreamed of meeting this music goddess who could navigate five octaves like a fish in water. You were my icon for so long. I would use your songs to practice and try stretch my vocals. You were my bench mark of vocal supremacy, you see; in my eyes, no one matched up to you. And I was not alone. Your impact was felt all over the world; it could be evidenced blatantly through the countless televised auditionees who stood before the appointed judges in front of them and millions of un-appointed ones watching from their homes, and heartily belted out your songs with a courageous passion that they both felt and replicated. I know I did – I belted out your song, Greatest Love of All, in front of millions of judging eyes, and even though at some points in the song I felt like my voice would let go, I simply closed my eyes and watched you perform in my mind’s eye. And what I saw was true enjoyment, what I heard was a powerful voice, and what I felt was a deep belief in your words; these three made me forge forth! I believe you sang for all the right reasons Whitney; your sole propellers not being wealth and fame. No, you sang to communicate something you believed in, something you had gone through, something you had learnt, something you felt… You were never vain. I remember watching your videos and being in awe at just how effortlessly you would powerfully pour out complicated tunes carrying words that almost always seemed to resonate within me. I remember watching Body Guard, Preachers Wife and Waiting to Exhale over and over and over again. I would always rewind and rewatch the parts where you’d sing, by the way. I loved the way you got on stage and not only commanded it, but your audience as well. We became willful captives to your music, your style, your persona.

See, I believed you were a good person, honest and humble at heart. I still do. I watched you on Oprah, that time she interviewed you in 2009, two years after you left Bobby. And from the words that came out of your mouth, and out of your body language and out through your song, My Own Strength, I was proven right – you just did not know the extent to which your brilliance, your power, your iconic legendary self could stretch! It is possible, after all, to have all that power and might within you and yet not know your own strength enough to fight, or even want to fight and overcome. I was so proud of you that day, when after the interview you went up on stage, our very own Whitney, and powerfully sang that song with a peace in your eyes and in your smile.

It wasn’t easy, your life. I can imagine the self battering that you put yourself through thinking of the many entrapped situations you felt you could only blame yourself for. You fought, Whitney, and I am proud. The world expected you to handle your life with the same bravado and fluent skill that you did the stage; we forgot you were human too. A young girl who rose into fame and stardom way fast; swept you up like a hurricane, so easy to lose sight of the still and unchanging centre.

You know why I am sad? I am sad because I feel that you spent a big chunk of your life struggling and groping in the dark. That you spread so much light to the world, but forgot about yourself. And at some point, it became taxing to spread that light, because, in truth, you cannot give what you do not have. I may be wrong about all this; I hope I am. One thing that I am happy for though, is not that you rose to stardom and made loads of money and got the chance to live the blessing of a lavish life… it is because you never let go of God. The many days you would lock yourself away from the rest of the world, you would have your bible with you. It was your source of light; the Truth. I am glad because you knew you were loved – especially by your mama and your daughter, they never stopped fighting for you, and that is what life is about, isn’t it? You can have all the wealth in the world, have immense and incomparable talent…but all that can feel like a vacuum if you are not surrounded by love. More so, if you’re ignorant of the love that God has for you… I am also glad because I got to know you…well, know of you. Your music moved me. Your voice was as powerful as thunder, as soothing as a brook. When you sang, you were happy, and that was infectious. I have this belief that if you proficiently indulge in what God put inside you through talent, and add a good measure of nobility to your cause, you make the world a little better…you pull a little of heaven down to earth…a sort of worship.

Many people go to the grave with a lot more than they came to earth with; such a loss. I believe however, that you have traveled light. You have left us with so much more! You have left us with your thunderous soulful voice; that will live on forever. You have left us with the good feeling that your songs always used to leave us with; that will live on forever. You have left us with important lessons your life and your songs taught us. You have taught me to not only know, but also acknowledge my own strength. You have taught me to look for what makes me happy and indulge in it; that way, when darkness threatens to engulf me, I can close my eyes and remember what it feels to be really happy and alive, and drudge back to that path – back to the light. You have taught me the importance of fighting, the worth in falling down six times but getting up seven. You have reminded me to surround myself with the right people. You have taught me to be present to myself and to my circumstances; to be attentive to where I am at in life lest I slowly fade away in oblivion. You have taught me to take care of myself so I can take care of other people… Most importantly, you have taught me music (of which I am still learning)… You have given me the gift of inspiration; you were my inspiration for a long, long time. You still are…

Thank you, Whitney Elizabeth Houston. I salute you. I will keep belting out your songs; One Moment in Time, Saving All My Love, How will I know, Dance with Somebody...I Have Nothing! I will always love you, Greatest Love of All... You were simply incredible! Hope to sing together (or at least back you up) in heaven some day. Sleep well.

Mini Gallery

Watch Whitney's incredible performance of the USA national anthem at Superbowl XXV here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wupsPg5H6aE

On one of her stage performances